Flying solo solo - some reflections on entering my eight decade

 

I entered the eighth decade of my life with a bang, with a really fab party for 30 lovely friends - the first I've been able to have for over thirty years. And then just two days later, in came the 'you're getting old' emails and letters, including two from random insurance companies advising me to take out funeral insurance, and several from Ameli, telling me in no uncertain terms that I should have an 'older person's health check', a mutuelle, various vaccinations, that I should plan for end of life care and that I should notify them of a 'personne de confiance' - effectively a next of kin. Gee, thanks.

Flying solo solo

But that last one got me thinking. I don't really fit into 'normal' society, especially here in France: I am solo, have no partner, no family (anywhere), no kids. I actually now have no next of kin, and that's a pretty strange feeling. I'm independent and self-reliant (probably too much so!), always have been, even as a child; I have friends but equally love my own company; I live with a dog; I can't imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again. But while I have a surprising number of child-free friends, some of whom live on their own, I don't know anyone else like me: a solo solo. So yes, I notice that deep down inside me there's a niggly naggly thought - who would look out for me, bat for me, advocate for me if I become unable to do it for myself? At the moment I'd class this thought as 'interesting' but at some point, perhaps when I get to my ninth decade 😂, I guess it might need a bit of attention.

Well being and happiness

The other day I came across research that shows that the peak age for subjective happiness and well being is 70 - in fact there is more than one research paper that shows the same. I certainly sense that this period of my life is my 'sweet spot'. Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed to feel happy, given everything that happened this year (and I know that a few people find my happiness difficult to comprehend and to accept), but it's not something I'm going to deny just because society deems it inappropriate - I am what and who I am.

But life is good, full of promise. I'm lucky to be healthy and fit, to live in a beautiful part of the world, to have good and interesting friends, to be part of a wider community, to be endlessly curious, to have so many opportunities ahead. I'm so excited to be flying solo. Yes, I'm considerably financially poorer than I was a year ago and have a lot less disposable income than most of my friends, but I have (just!) enough to pay the bills, and I'm not extravagant, being less than interested in acquiring 'things' these days. If I've had to renegotiate some of my pleasure-spending, doing so certainly isn't making me unhappy - in a sense just the opposite as I can really savour the choices I make about how to spend my money instead of taking spending for granted. 

70 for seventy

I've realised that I only have a year to polish off the rest of my 70 for 70 experiences, which suddenly doesn't feel like very long. Some of my original list has had to be amended - anything that requires me to be away from home for more than 5 hours at a stretch without Indie is not possible, because aside from having arthritis and the kind of bladder issues that plague many a lady of a certain age (she's 12 and a half), she's just had a mastectomy - removal of one of her mammary chains - as she has several tumours. I've no idea at this point whether they're maligant or where all that is going, so I want to spend as much time with her as possible and give her some more memorable experiences too, which means that leaving her behind is not an option.

So here, mostly for my benefit, is the updated list. The ticks show what I've already done or am successfully doing. The things in red are those left to do or to finish, some of which are new things that replace what is not currently possible.

1. Write a blog about doing 70 for seventy - here it is! ✔

2. Reach level at least A2 in Spanish ✔

3. Do Pilates at least 3 times a week ✔

4. Do cardio/HIIT/fast walking once a week ✔

5. Cook dinners for friends ✔

6. Have a 70th birthday party ✔

7. Go to 4 Convivencia concerts ✔

8. Go to at least one rock concert ✔

9. Do a dance workshop and /or see a dance performance ✔

10. Go to a hairdresser (once!)

11. Practise gratitude every day ✔

12. Spend a day on the top of Pic du Midi Listen to a CD (a real one, not Spotify) with dinner every day for 3 months

13. Do at least 10 new local walks (I have 5 to go)

14. Do a new year swim in 2026

15. Knit a scarf

16. Walk by the sea at least once every month ✔

17. Swim in the sea at least once a month between April and October ✔

18. Learn to juggle

19. Fly a kite on the beach ✔

20. Grow my hair ✔

21. Spend a night or more at the cottage or elsewhere once a month

22. Get a tattoo

23. Watch the summer solstice sunrise ✔

24. Watch the winter solstice sunrise 

25. Swim in Lac de Jouarres at sunset ✔

26. Go and see the Christmas lights in Béziers Take a canine first aid course

27. Take a boat trip ✔

28. Have a posh picnic somewhere beautiful

29. Get back to 57,5kg

30. Continue to learn more about and practise positive aging ✔

31. Eat out solo somewhere totally new ✔

32. Come out as happily single at heart ✔

33. Ride in a tourist bus or train

34. Go out for an Indian meal

35. See everything as if for the first time ✔

36. Go to Pic de Nore

37. Walk on Espinouse Go to the local swimming pool at least once a fortnight during the winter

38. List and honour all the things I’ve done in my life that have inspired me and made me who I am ✔

39. Dance, often ✔

40. Meditate, regularly ✔

41. Try more local wines ✔

42. Do a mind puzzle every day ✔

43. Dress up and drink a cocktail ✔

44. Complete a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle

45. Do some shamanic rituals and ceremony ✔

46. Say no more ✔

47. But also say yes! ✔

48. Breathe mindfully for 5 minutes day ✔

49. Go to at least 3 new museums or galleries

50. Go out for tea/coffee and cake ✔

51. Go out wearing red lipstick

52. Make a playlist of 70 favourite pieces of music ✔

53. Be a Zorba the Buddha ✔

54. Paint a watercolour picture

55. Celebrate one thing every day ✔

56. Cook some new recipes from my cookbooks ✔

57. Take the one euro train Start teaching meditation/mindfulness again

58. Explore Narbonne as a tourist ✔

59. Mark each of the Celtic festival days ✔

60. Seek joy in everyday life ✔

61. Go snorkeling ✔

62. Teach Indie something new ✔

63. Spend a day a couple of hours at a spa

64. Get my French passport. Not going to happen now (thank you, French government) Start writing an autobiographical journal to learn more about myself

65. Buy some shoes that aren’t trainers (and wear them)

66. Do at least one course to learn something new ✔

67. Stop feeling guilty about reading during the day ✔

68. Use weights or resistance bands twice a week ✔

69. Buy some clothes that aren’t what I’d usually wear (and wear them) ✔

70. Carpe every one of my remaining Diems ✔