70forseventy

It's hard to believe that over 2 months have gone by since the night I found J in the pool. It's been an intense period: a whole mixture of getting on with the myriad admin things, clearing and repairing his bit of the house, and attempting to make sure I'll have enough money to live on (that bit is a work in progress!), along with taking a break away from home to spend time at my little cottage in the Pyrénées Orientales, at the foot of the Albères, where I could take a step back, have a week without internet, and walk, swim, snorkel and just chill.  It was a great chance to take stock of myself and get a sense of how I am, and where I'm at with my 70forseventy challenge. Plage de Peyrefitte - my snorkeling spot So how am I? The first thing to say is the thing that I know some people find difficult to hear: that I'm not floored by grief. I believe that you can only deeply grieve for someone with whom you had a close relationship, and whatever relationship J and I m...

  This isn't an easy story to write, but it's one that needs to be told both to honour a life that has come to an end, and because the story underpins much of my own life for the last few years. It's a major factor in who I am and am becoming today, and in the choices I'm making for my seventyfor70 experience. And it's not something I want to sit on it for the rest of my life - I'd sooner be open, and known for who I am and what I've experienced. The unlived life isn't mine, but J's, and it's one that he chose to end - one evening, in the swimming pool at home while I was out - just over a month ago. I realised a long time ago that J had issues that made it impossible for him to connect with other people, and with the world he lived in, in the way that others do. Although as a humanistic therapist I really don't like psychiatric labels, there is no doubt that he had what's known as schizoid personality disorder (SPD). People with this dis...

 I first started thinking about my 70forseventy experience around winter solstice last year, and by 1 January I had the first draft of The List. Amazingly the challenge wasn't how to find seventy things to include, but how to limit myself to seventy things! So exactly six months on, I thought it was time to step back for a moment to see where I'm at. First of all, that list: these are the things that I've done or am doing. Write a blog about doing 70 for seventy ✔ This is it! Reach level at least A2 in Spanish ✔ I'm up to a 277 day streak on Duolingo and it tells me that I'm now at middle A2 level. I'm not so sure, but I'm carrying on doing my half an hour a day and can also often be found wandering round the vineyards with Indie muttering away to myself in (bad) Spanish. I started to learn on Duolingo last autumn when I was on my usual October holiday in L'Estartit - I'm going this year again so the truth will out when I open my mouth! Do Pilates a...